Google Can Do Barrel Rolls, But What Else?

on November 7, 2011 7:00 PM

Remember how last week Google was programmed to do a little trick when you searched the term “Do a barrel roll?”

You don’t? Okay, well it did. *Waits for you to go to Google and try it out*

I know! Cool, huh? Star Fox 64 ranks among my favorite games of all time (I wear my score of 2,100 hits on Expert Mode as a badge of honor.) And to think, n00bs like ABC News and the like thought it was an homage to Apple. Silly ABC!

Anywho, I got to thinking, what other kinds of tricks could Google pull off with its algorithms? Well, I came up with a few ideas of my own. Click on the jump to see how Mario, CATS and Andrew Ryan fit into the equation.

Thank you Mario, but …

Google Can Do Barrel Rolls, But What Else?

Excuse the crap-tastic Photoshop job (Actually, I used a free open source alternative) but I think it gets the point across quite nicely. My idea is thus: Whenever a user searches the term “Princess Toadstool,” he or she is immediately routed to this image (or a higher quality version of it.) Why? Because at one point we referred to the damsel-in-distress of the Mushroom Kingdom as Princess Toadstool. Sometime after Super Mario World, Nintendo decided to change it to Princess Peach in order to keep the North American releases of Mario games consistent with their Japanese counterparts (and because Toadstool is technically her last name and it totally makes sense. Whatever.)

Anywho, if you Google “Princess Toadstool,” the top result is the “Princess Peach” entry from Wikipedia. How awesome would it be if the world’s most popular search engine redirected you to the above link before displaying the results? It’s like the “Shaniqua Don’t Live Here No Mo'” of video games.

All your search results. They is for us.

Google Can Do Barrel Rolls, But What Else?

Once again, I may not be the most proficient with fonts and the brush tool, but you get the idea. Taito’s Zero Wing is infamous among the gaming crowd for its god-awful Engrish (you know, when the English and Japanese languages have a baby.) The first result that shows up when you Google the game’s title is its Wikipedia entry. The next billion results — that’s an estimate and is in no way legally binding — are YouTube videos and all other sorts of homages to this one line: “All your base are belong to us.” Righteous!

Now, once again, imagine being re-routed to this image — or video of a guy in costume reciting it! — before being delivered results for your “Zero Wing” search. Quick question: What are you doing Googling Zero Wing to begin with?

Here’s a warning for those of you who haven’t played through BioShock: Huge spoiler ahead.

World domination through a three-word prefix

Google Can Do Barrel Rolls, But What Else?

So now that the one guy who hasn’t finished BioShock is off looking at Dogs That Look Like Tom Haverford or whatever, let’s get down to business.

Remember how “Would you kindly” was the trigger phrase that compelled the protagonist to follow any instruction he was given? What if it also made all your Google dreams come true? Imagine asking Google “Would you kindly find me some pizza” and having a 14-inch circle of pesto-pepperoni perfection arrive at your door 20 minutes later.

It’s everything you wanted and more. Admit it.

Of course, somebody would have to pay for that pizza. And who knows where Google would get your pie from. Then again, I’ve always held the following philosophy about pizza: Even if it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.

Well, those are my nonsensical uses for Google. Anyone else care to take a stab at it?

 /  Staff Writer
Eder is a journalism major at the University of Oregon and copy chief of Flux, the School of Journalism and Communication's flagship magazine. When he's not playing video games or writing about them, Eder enjoys going to concerts, walking the UO campus with his trusty iPod, James McCloud, and climbing steep hills in running shoes. His favorite games include Super Mario Bros. 3, Donkey Kong Country 2, Bioshock and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
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