Review: I am Bread – WE ARE BREAD

on May 12, 2015 12:00 PM

Finally, a bread based simulator I can get behind. I Am Bread comes from Bossa Studios, who is no stranger to comedic simulators. This is the same team who made the satisfying Surgeon Simulator, a game that made surgery seems both super fun and terrifying.

The goal in I am Bread is to get toasted. No, it’s not some new cool guy slang for getting high. You’re just a slice of bread who just wants get his sides burnt.

Brain power and some ingenuity is how you’re going to achieve becoming the best part of breakfast. Oh yeah, you’re also making a person suffer a psychotic break. This is why food should never gain sentience.

In order to achieve proper toast status, you’ll need to make it across to anything and everything that could do the job. Flat iron, hot plate, or even a rocket ship — use whatever it takes.

As you move through each room the solutions to find heat sources become less and less obvious. Half the fun is in playing with the physics and seeing the type of destruction you can inflict inside this poor soul’s home.

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Much like in real life, you won’t eat anything that spent some time on the floor. Keeping track of your “edibility meter” becomes paramount on your quest for toasted nirvana.

Spending too much time on floor, water and other gross stuff will cause your edibleness to go down. (A toilet seat, oddly enough, does not affect your edibility.) Hit 0 and it’s game over. The trick here is to find ways of moving around without touching the ground, like climbing a wall or tossing yourself using physics.

I am Bread is played with a gamepad, with each corner of the bread mapped to the shoulder and triggers buttons on the controllers. You’ll find out after prolonged gaming sessions that it’s quite the workout with your fingers intensely gripping the shoulder buttons.

The left analog stick can swing the loose end up and over the corners that stuck to whatever surface you’re trekking. You repeat this basic movement pattern most stages.

For example one method to get across the kitchen to get to the toaster might involve falling off a chair onto a skateboard and using the momentum the get you across the floor. When I am Bread is working properly, these Rube Goldberg type physics puzzles are extremely satisfying. However, the overall control scheme, as novel as it is, can become pretty frustrating at times.

For instance, the easiest way across most rooms is simply by using your bread’s crazy powerful grip to climb walls. Just make sure you don’t linger too long, as sometimes the bread won’t grip the way you want it to, resulting in you falling to your doom. Factor in the grip meter that depletes pretty quickly and you have yourself quite the challenge.

The rough part is when you finally make to a heat source, you need to make sure it toasts evenly to receive top marks. If you get a crappy score, I suggest just moving on to the next stage since completing all seven unlocks free play with four different types of bread.

\This is the only game where trying to toast a baguette in a bathroom isn’t the most bizarre thing you’ll do.

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Each stage is takes place in different rooms of a house belonging to a mentally ill person. To be fair, I would also think I’m losing my mind if I came home to my bathroom destroyed by a sentient piece of dough.

The introduction to every level is opened with a report from a therapist about a man who thinks someone is wrecking his house but can’t figure who’s causing all the chaos. Every report get darker as you witness a man slowly descend into complete paranoid madness. Thankfully, this man’s collapsing psyche plays out really well as far as dark comedy in a videogame.

When you’re not covering a slice of toast in filth or causing a man’s mental breakdown, you can partake in such activities as racing with bagels or destroying things with a baguette for glory and points.

The newly added Starch Wars: A New Loaf has you dog-fighting Rye Fighters in space with hero pilot, Bread Leader. Call me simple, but my favorite mode so far has been Free Roam.

I am Bread is a hilariously absurd game that offers great fun in short bursts, although the title does suffer by never being more than a gimmick game as it lacks overall longevity.

Despite that, it’s a good gaming palette cleanser with a dark yet funny story, and the bite-sized random moment-to-moment mayhem makes for fun clips for YouTubers and bread enthusiasts.

 /  Staff Writer
Raised under the tutelage of Sonic the Hedgehog and the Gunstars. Jorge came from an age where protagonists never spoke and instruction manuals were over 50 pages long. When Jorge isn't writing about some obscure indie game, he spends his day talking about videogames regardless if anyone is listening or not. Jorge one day dreams of voicing a random npc your main character bumps into and punches in the face.