The Vent: PC Site Games

on December 16, 2009 8:04 PM

There are many different forms of gaming out there, for all the different types of gamers. Lately, there has been an increase of “underground games” as I call them, a group of games that are not on the mainstream in which we all know and are accustomed to. These games are found on the PC, on sites in which most of us view everyday of our miserable lives. Some games are fun to play, but then there are those that just make you want to punch a baby in a crowded movie theater.

Does anyone remember Myspace? If you are as old as I am then you might, but the kids who are growing up now have no clue. Myspace was one of the first social networking sites that also introduced Myspace games, a fun and entertaining portion of the site where people can get together and enjoy friendly games, like pool, checkers, and poker. Then came Facebook, and what can I say more about it now than it has already for itself, in bad terms I mean. It took a look at the games Mysapce had available, and Facebook said they could make the games more screwed up. Sure Facebook offers the classis Poker, Tetris, and puzzle type games, but then they did something I thought was never going to happen. They turned games into a cult!

First of all, what the hell is Farmville? I see everyone I know is playing that game, talking about it, praising how it has become part of their lives. Are you serious? And I thought people who said that about Modern Warfare needed to get a colonoscopy just for the hell of it. I hear people say “I just can’t get enough of this game” and it makes me sick to my stomach. Then I said to myself that I was being too mean to this game, especially when I did not try it. So I allowed access to it on my Facebook, played it for five minutes, then all my food I had for that day, maybe the day before as well (roast beef was there too), came up and about in my toilet. Of course this was all figuratively speaking, showing you all how I felt about this game, and it just boggles my mind how others can not feel the same way that I do. I thought, and ruled out certain possibilities, like brainwashing, Jedi mind tricks, the government, Twilgiht, and Matt Damon. All of them were good reasons, to me at least, but it did not satisfy my stomach.

Facebook is not just the evil breeder of one game, but three top hits. Besides Farmville, Mafia Wars and that crappy Cafe World, if that is even its name, are also creating a bunch of cultists of their own. Here’s where it gets me. I was fine that Facebook viewers are enjoying their time on games like those, but when I update my posts to see that Amanda needs my help to grow trees for her garden, I just say “F— that”, as I launch my monitor into my LCD television, and then having to go to Best Buy to buy myself yet another unit. In Mafia Wars’ posts, they try to recruit me. In Cafe World, they post that they saw the damn Gourmet King! Who in this world outside of the cult realm gives a flying two and a half donkey-punching crap?

On a side note, I did play a game where I took care of a dog of my own. I named it Dante, because I looked like that guy from Clerks, or so I have heard. I fed him, threw him a bone, and made him feel happy. There are days where I was not at my computer, so I did not get a chance to see my virtual dog, but no worries because he is only virtual, not real. He’ll still be happy when I come back a year from now. I knew this was a virtual dog, but it has come to my attention that there are some people out there who thinks virtual is reality. I log into Facebook one day to see a note telling me that Jennifer, a 16 year old girl from Kentucky, fed and took care of my dog. I was in shock for at least 5 minutes. First of all, it was my dog. Who said she could feed it? On top of that, she had all this time to make her dog feel happy, then to scour the world for other dogs who were not fed, and to come to their rescue and feed them too? What happened to school and a teenager’s social life? I am sorry, but all this did, the outcome Facebook has left for itself is for me to now stalk this Jennifer until I am bored or dead.

Back to the main storyline again, dealing with the cultists. To deal with them, all we need to do is find the leader, which is simple. It is the creators of these so called games. We take them out, the cultists will have nothing else to do, because they are not being brainwashed by these crappy games. And hence, the abnormality in the virtual gaming world is back to normal. As for Jennifer, well, no one messes with my dog.