If you’ve read the headline, then I’m pretty sure you have an idea of what I’m about to tell you. I’m just going to warn you up front, though – you will be asking yourself “what the hell?” a couple of times as the plague I will dub “envy” will consume just about everything about you. The effects? Insanity for some, glee for others. It all depends on how you take it.
So, Capcom announced today a line-up for consumers attending this year’s GameCom between August 19th – 23rd in Cologne, Germany that will envelop Europeans in experiencing future titles of theirs before anyone else in the world. These folks will be able to get their hands on games like Lost Planet 2, Dark Void, Tatsunoko vs. Capcom Ultimate All-Stars, Spyborgs, MotoGP, and Monster Hunter Tri. I’m a tad jealous that the folks over there will be playing these games and laughing to themselves as they enjoy the displeasure us westerners are experiencing. They’ll probably proceed to jump in front of their computers and write their orgasmic experience while most of us over here thrash our most prized possessions in lunacy. But, kudos to them.
To complete the line-up, Capcom has teamed up with big-boy processor manufacturer Intel to have visistors at GamesCom crap their pants (so they say). PC gamers over there will be among the first to experience the survival horrors of zombified Africans of the critically acclaimed Resident Evil 5 for PC. Intel will be showcasing the genocide of these poor undead African bastards which, supposedly, takes full advantage of the intelligent multi-core technology in the Intel Core i7 processors on a bunch of high spec PC’s in their dedicated Resident Evil 5 booth. Pack yourself some wipeys, diapers and baby powder to sprinkle on your ass, in a messenger bag for a “just in case” scenario.
As of now, I’m one of the folks who’s envious of the people who’ll be playing the above mentioned titles. Europeans 1 – Yaris 0.