Eye Doctors Say Nintendo is Full of Crap

By Matthew Jay

January 7, 2011

Last week Nintendo issued a warning to parents about the 3DS. Apparently when children are younger (around the 3DS’ exact demographic) the development of their eyes and vision could be damaged by staring at the handheld’s 3D screen. Luckily for today’s kids, some dudes who know what they’re talking about spoke up to the NY Times. Doctors. EYE doctors.

Dr. Lawrence Tychsen, a professor of pediatrics and ophthalmology at Washington University in St. Louis is quoted as saying, “The fact you’d watch 3-D in a theater or a video game should have zero deleterious impact whatsoever.”

Dr. Tychsen conducted an experiment in which he studied rhesus monkeys as they watched 3D films with 3D glasses on for 3 months and their visual development was no different than any other monkey. Don’t let all that science get in the way of thinking about how hilarious it is for a monkey to wear 3D glasses. Several monkeys were also reported to fling their poop at the screen during James Cameron’s Avatar. Coincidentally this is also why I was removed from the IMAX theater at AMCs across Pennsylvania and New Jersey.

When asked to respond to the research Nintendo stuck to their guns and repeated their already known position on children playing the games in 3D. Honestly I think they’re just covering their asses and I don’t blame them for it. If someone sued McDonald’s for the coffee being too hot, some overweight lady from Kentucky will no doubt come out of the woodwork to tell juries that Nintendo “dun’ f-cked up mah boy’s lookin’,” and force them to cover the laser surgery bills.

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Matthew Jay

Contributing writer for DualShockers, Matthew Jay is a comedy writer involved with the Philadelphia comedy scene. When he's not on stage trying to convince a room full of strangers to like him in under 3 minutes he likes to play and write about video games. Especially weird ones.

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