Five Minutes to Kill (Yourself) iPhone is Out

November 2, 2009

Like the sad bastard that I am, I am forced to watch Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim with my girlfriend – she forces me to do so. We start off by watching old I’ve-seen-it-100-times-already episodes of King of the Hill, followed by Family Guy, and Robot Chicken, followed by whatever afterwards. However, the highlight of this entire process comes when announcements of browser games fills my screen. The most ludicrous of games are announced and shown to anticipate our feeble gullible minds. You’ll see the most obscene games and titles you’ll ever witness in your time of gaming. One of the games that captured my attention a few nights ago was one called Five Minutes to Kill (Yourself) – a game about using the tools around your office to end your crestfallen life. The good news is that for those of you with an iPhone or iPod Touch can now experience the game on the go.

Ported by Artificial Life, Inc., Five Minutes to Kill (Yourself), gives you an office building full of insanely deadly office furniture and supplies, and a five minute time frame to beat yourself to a pulp until you eventually croak via a blend of sticking your head in microwaves, stapling your face multiple times, smashing your head into computer screens, etc. The new iPhone/iPod Touch version adds Wi-Fi and Bluetooth multiplayer support for what the call death races. If you have an iPhone/iPod Touch, you should definitely pick this one up. It’s fun, and funny, as hell and it’s available now in the App Store for just $2.99.

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Yaris Gutierrez

Born and raised in New York City, Yaris is one of three co-founders at DualShockers. Gaming since the inception of Nintendo in the 80's, he has grown to avidly appreciate games of every genre, maturing his preference specifically now to third-person action games, first-person shooters and JRPGs. He's a software engineer, father and husband during the day, and mildly attempts to hold onto his "hardcore gamer" title during the evenings. An attempt that he tends to fail miserably at.

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