Latest Issue of ‘Hope News Times’ Gives Insight on Local Business Man for Hitman: Absolution

Latest Issue of ‘Hope News Times’ Gives Insight on Local Business Man for Hitman: Absolution

A spoofed news article for the upcoming game Hitman: Absolution talks about the tragic case of Joe the Plumber. Not that guy, but someone else.

The tragic death of the local business man, who was found dead in his underwear, was made into front page news for the local weekly publication in Hope, South Dakota. The 63 year old ‘Proud Piper’ male was murdered, leaving the police with nothing but a lot of unanswered questions. The man was attacked while using the bathroom, leaving the police asking why it’s no longer safe to even sit on your own throne anymore.

In other news, Hope authorizes begin to crack down on greener laws, asking citizens not to use bathtubs, barrels, or pools to store hazardous materials of any kind.