Lavish Gear for Newborn Gamers

February 10, 2010

One week ago today a miracle happened – my sister-in-law gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl.  This girl was special and she is destined to be spoiled because she is the first niece and the first grandchild on both sides of the family.  In fact, she was spoiled almost right away, because she was given two middle names, unlike everyone else in the immediate family on both sides.  During my approximately twelve hours spent at the hospital that day waiting for this little bundle of joy, I got thinking about things I would buy for my own child, if there ever is one.  While my brother and sister-in-law aren’t gamers, what would I buy for a gamer baby?  Someone who would grow up with at least some influence from his or her father’s hobby?

With that in mind, I got to scouring the Interwebs for cool outfits, toys or other odds-and-ends that would make my hypothetical child the envy of every gamer baby in town.  I spent hours doing Google searches on the subject and was both disappointed and elated.  Let’s start with the good – there is an amazing amount of geek- and gamer-related clothing for newborns, toddlers, young children older.  The bad?  That’s about all there is.  When I started out, I was hoping to find bottle designs, mobile ornaments, crib bedding and other such things with gaming-related patterns or characters.  I found none of that.  But, I did find quite a few outfits with cleaver phrases on them that I thought I’d share.

You may have seen some of these or may not have, but I thought they were right up my alley and I would most likely be proud to parade my hypothetical son or daughter around in them.  So, let’s take a look at what I came up with, just in case there are any new fathers or mothers out there who might take a liking to having some of this swag for their kids.

First of all, some bibs – there were quite a few on CafePress if you search for the right thing (usually a Google search brings these up pretty high on the list).  Probably my favorite one, which shows the MMO side of me, is a bib that has a graphic printed on it with the text “Mommy, I’m OOM“.  Naturally, the OOM stands for “Out of Mana”…er, sorry, “Out of Milk”.  Works perfect, eh?  That just barely beat out the bib that says, “Breastmilk for teh Win” in my book.  (I can see the Google searches that bring up this post now, since it has the word “breastmilk” in it…oh, the fun.)

Finally, I would be remiss if I didn’t point out this bib that takes me back to my youth, at least according to my parents.  I used to be a drooler.  I drooled all the time and over everything within three feet of my face.  Thus, the “l33t Drooler” bib would have fit me perfectly 31 years ago.  My parents would get a kick out of that, I’m sure.

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There are a massive amount of one-piece “crawlers” out there with nifty little gaming-related phrases on them (and some not-so-gaming related but still in the realm of geek humor).  This seems to be where the majority of people end up if they look for gamer stuff for newborn babies.  I picked out a few of my favorites.

Again, as a nod to my trek through many an MMO, here’s one with the text “Lvl 1 Baby LFP“.  Take a moment to figure out what “LFP” stands for.  If you can’t figure it out, here’s a hint:  It starts with “pac” and ends with “ifier”.  Ok, ok, that was lame.  Still, it’s rather humorous, don’t you think?  Then there’s the Mario-related “Baby’s First Power-Ups” outfit.  Knowing me, my hypothetical child would “power-up” and beat beat down his father both in-game and in real life.  Finally, possibly my favorite gamer one-piece is the Portal reference in this one – “Where Babies Come From“.  If this was all that is involved in the birth of a little gamer, I would have no horrible anxiety attack just thinking about being in the same room when the baby is born.

Before I leave the realm of baby clothes, I’d also like to point out that, if none of the above suit your fancy, or you can’t find anything to dress your little rugrat exactly how you want, you can always design your own, like this baby Link outfit.  You run the risk of “normal” parents calling child services and claiming child endangerment, though.

Last weekend I got to see my niece’s nursery completely finished for the first time.  It made me think of how I would decorate the nursery for my kid (again, hypothetical).  Perhaps something like this Space Invaders wall-art.  It’s simple, colorful and highly customizable.  What more could you want for a room that is supposed to be a happy, colorful place?

Finally, yet another MMO reference in this teddy bear, which assumes the mother is a gamer, but is cute nonetheless – “Mommy’s Lil Alt Power Leveler“.

Seen enough yet?  Good, because that’s about all I could find.  Like I mentioned at the outset, a lot of the cooler things I was hoping for I could not find.  I’m so tempted to get at least something from this list for my niece, even though neither of her parents are gamers or geeks.  It must be something that they can “get” easily without being a gamer.  Any recommendations from the readers?  (Hint: It doesn’t have to be something I listed here.)  Also, if anyone knows of any other gamer-related baby gear, feel free to link to it in the comments below, you never know when it might come in handy for a new gamer parent.

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Chad Awkerman

Chad joined the DualShockers staff in mid 2009 and since then has put much of his time into covering RPGs, with a focus on the Japanese side of the genre, from the obscure to the mainstream. He's a huge fan of iconic games like Secret of Mana, Final Fantasy VI and Persona 4 yet enjoys the smaller niche titles, as well. In his spare time he enjoys experiencing new beer, new foods and keeping up with just about every sci-fi show on television. He's married to an intelligent, beautiful Southern Belle who keeps his life interesting with witty banter and spicy Cajun cooking.

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