Postal 4: No Regerts’ Tuesday Update is Full of Cats, Catapults, and Cadavers
Postal 4: No Regerts' Tuesday update continues the Dude's raunchy adventures, offering plenty of mindless fun.
Today (at least when I’m writing this) is Tuesday. I woke up, got out of bed, and started my day off by writing. All in all, it’s been a pretty normal one so far. A normal Tuesday like mine is absolutely not what you should expect from Postal 4: No Regerts. The Postal Dude’s days are full of carnage, corpses, and other things that probably violate the Geneva Convention. That’s not to say that the second day players can experience in the latest chapter of the Dude’s life doesn’t have some new atrocities to commit.
Mirroring my Tuesday, the Postal Dude’s started face down in an alleyway, being told it’s time to get to work. Starting off, Tuesday’s tasks are fairly simple: pay a ticket given to you by the police and then go meet a new business associate.
Paying off the ticket is easy enough – mainly because the Dude is broke. Instead of being charged cash, he’s assigned to community service, ticketing cars that are illegally parked. In natural Postal fashion though, if someone’s parking meter hasn’t run out you can always give it a good kick to make it expired. But the way I figured it, working for the man is for chumps, so I just went to drop off my ticket without all the cash I needed. Turns out, Edensen PD didn’t appreciate that, because they locked down the building and started shooting at me. What followed was good ol’ fashioned American self-defense.
After murde- I mean, liberating myself from the confines of the police department, I was on my way to the border to meet a new business associate. I was immediately greeted with a whack on the head and a nice nap – how courteous. I woke up to my new partner – El Plago, the leader of Los Oscuros, a highly violent but highly profitable gang. Hanging upside down from his ceiling, Plago gave the Dude three more tasks: deliver some “specialty catnip,” help some poor Americans get over the border wall and out of their country, and start a gang war by tagging some turf. Easy peasy.
I started with the liberation of my fellow Americans. As someone who wants out of this hell country, I empathize. But, I wondered, how would I get these would-be refugees out of this faux dictatorship of a country? Plago was generous enough to answer in the form of a giant catapult. So, I began sending my fellow countrymen over to a new life, with only a few miles of air travel and a sheet-thin tarp keeping them from their new life in Mexico. Unfortunately, the Border Patrol doesn’t take kindly to the idea of freedom of movement and began firing at me. Once again though, I practiced my god-given right to defend my body, this time with the game’s newly added, American made M-16. It shoots freedom at 800 rounds a minute and helped me get a busload of Americans to their new lives.
That was one task down, two more to go. I made my way to the pet shop to drop off a totally inconspicuous package. Greeted by a stoned-out-of-his-mind clerk, I was told to head downstairs and leave the package in a storage area. “Sure thing, no problem,” I thought until I was greeted by a cloud of noxious fumes. One delivery and a few mandatory breaths later, and the Dude was knocked out and turned into a cat.
For the first time in the series, the Dude is taking a new, furry form, and of course, he’s as chaotic as a cat as he is a full-grown man. In this form, he can pounce at the unsuspecting citizens of Edensen, run up walls to access previously unavailable locales, or just cause mass havoc by scratching everyone he passes by. I did a lot of the latter, because it’s just natural for a cat to stir up trouble. Although, the ensuing gunfights between my cat scratch victims and the police may have been overkill.
After my bad trip, I had one more task left – instigate a gang war. Sadly, when I arrived at the objective I experienced a bug that made a majority of buildings, including the ones I had to tag, disappear. No gang feud for this dude.
In all, the newest day in the life of the Postal Dude is exactly what you’d expect. It’s unrepentant carnage, disgusting humor, and stupid, stupid fun. And while the game may be selling its daily errands as the fun activities, it’s really everything in between that still impresses me about Postal. Simply put, you can still be as depraved as you want. At one point I got distracted. I kicked in the door of someone’s house, shot the resident with a water gun full of gasoline, flicked a match on them, and then put out the flames with a golden shower. Afterward, I couldn’t help but think what the hell was wrong with me, and why the hell I enjoyed doing that. The simple answer may just be that I enjoyed doing it because I could do it.
Postal 4: No Regerts is true to its name. You’ll do some disgusting, horrible things in this game, and afterward, you won’t regert it. Because this game boils down to one thing and one thing only: mindless, extremely harmful fun.
Postal 4: No Regerts is currently available on Steam in Early Access for $19.99.