Pwnd By A REAL Gamer Girl

Pwnd By A REAL Gamer Girl

I’m a girl, and I like to play video games. I’d rather have friends over for a couple (hundred) rounds of Mario Kart or Catherine puzzles than go out partying. I carry my PSP everywhere — simultaneously balancing on an elliptical trainer and grinding in Valkyrie Profile is not as hard as you’d think. My ideal date is a Domino’s Supreme Hawaiian, a bottle of Charles Shaw shiraz and a marathon play-through of an old-school RPG (whip out Final Fantasy VI, and I’m yours forever). There’s nothing weird or rare about my love for gaming — female gamers are far from the elusive fantastical creatures the internet thinks they are. No, female gamers are everywhere. Some of us wear the tag loudly and proudly. Some of us prefer to demure.


And some of us ruin it for everyone. has not officially opened, and I pray to whatever gods watch over poor gamers as they sleep at night (or day) that it never does. “MeowMistiDawn,” whose name references not one but TWO annoying Pokemon female heroines, and “Superpinkninja,” whose target demographic must be unabashedly self-proclaimed “weeabos,” look like they can’t play a game to save their lives. Button mashing with your nipple looks like it would be pretty hard… And what in the name of Jenova is that, a freaking Duck Hunt gun?

The Internet has painted the gamer girl as that of a lonely, overweight, ugly, and friendless creature who spends her days locked up in her room playing video games because she can’t gain acceptance in the real world. does nothing but perpetuate this myth by stripping two “ideal” women who aren’t part of the “real world” down to their underwear and making them rub Xbox games all over their boobs. If male gamers tune into this, I’m pretty sure it’s not to watch these girls shoot and teabag each other in Halo, which is a good thing too – that is not how you hold a controller, you miseducated harlequin. You and your bleached hair and stupid tattoos and fake tits have ruined it for everyone.



For every girl who games seriously, there is a guy who assumes she is using her gaming as a tool to attract partners. Those of us that don’t use Xbox Live like will be subject to viewing through the same lens as these women who have paired gaming with sex. The addition of video games – sorry, video game paraphernalia — to what is already hardcore porn only cheapens the act of gaming – the site is flagrantly and disgustingly disrespectful to the female gaming community.

To the male gamers out there that are turned on by this: you should be ashamed of yourselves. Delete your gamertag, shut down your PSN account, and go sit on your hands in a corner and think about what you’ve done. By patronizing this site, this idea, and by drooling even one drop of your geeky saliva over these women, you’ve done a disservice to ever girl who picks up a controller in all seriousness with the intention of enjoying herself. You’ve hypersexualized them, discredited their skills, and lowered the bar significantly (and let’s be honest, these girls are trying to turn you on with a Duck Hunt remote) for all of us.

It’s sh*t like this, guys, that has birthed the dueling images of the gamer-girl-as-slut and gamer-girl-as-fat-and-ugly if she’s unwilling to peddle to your sick fantasies. I’ve been on the receiving end of sexual harassment and name calling because of my gaming, and it’s demoralizing and discouraging. Do you not want more girls in the gaming community? Do you not want the possibility that you may find true love on the other side of that screen? It’s the guys like you that perpetuate the cycle of disregard and objectification that has driven us into hiding or into the boots of gaming feminism.

I know I wouldn’t patronize a site where male porn stars used their 3DSs to take high-res images of their joysticks. I do not want that, it would ruin gaming for me entirely. I do not want to go to there. It’s a new low we’ve come to, putting the gamer girl on the pedestal of slutdom.

Any girl can take off their clothes and dry-hump consoles. I can do stupid shit with controllers, too.


NES controllers make terrible dildos, by the way.