Review: Texting of the Bread

Reviewed On

Review copy provided by the publisher

I picked up this game after hearing about it on a podcast last week. The podcast of Cheap Ass Gamers to be exact. I heard about it’s concept, the price point, and figured, what the hell. Texting of the Bread is the first iOS game from the guys at Screw Attack Entertainment, and I hope it isn’t their last.

Colossus Indeed

The game is pretty simple. You play as a girl with a cow attached to your back, whose milk is being pumped into a machine gun, which gets shot at zombie ginger bread men. Okay, its story isn’t so simple, but the gameplay is. By using the keyboard on screen, you type letters out to kill the zombie ginger bread men before they get too close and begin eating at your health. The fun in this game is the words you must type. Video game references such as the Konami code, ‘texting’ slang, and other outrageous words come into play here. There’s even a level dedicated to states, so it’s educational too! If, you know, that’s what your into.

Cookies and Milk. Yum

The main part of the game comes in its Arcade mode. 75 levels to get through give about 10 hours worth of game time, so right off the bat, you’re getting a hell of a deal for $1.99. I played until Wave 50, and feel pretty comfortable with the direction the game was going in. The creators didn’t put much of a backbone story into the game, and the game works fine without one. If anything, this game shows you how much time you spend on your phone. There are waves where words I didn’t even know how to pronounce came up, yet I was able to spell them pretty quickly without looking at my keyboard. Should you get overwhelmed with zombie ginger bread men, simply give that iDevice a shake or two, and a wave of milk will come and take all those mean carbs away. Different types of enemies exist here, some faster than others, some stronger, so don’t think you’re just fighting the same types of creatures over and over again. The game at times does become repetitive, but never loses that fun factor. You may need to take breaks from the game simply for the fact that your hands will become tired, half from typing so much and the other half from how thin the iDevices are. For example, I played on a 32GB iPod Touch 4G, and took breaks every every 10 waves or so because holding the iPod for that long and typing so quickly hits the fingers hard.

Other game modes include Survival and Freeplay. Both modes let you choose your difficulty and the amount of lives you get. Survival pits you against an unlimited amount of zombies, telling you to last as long as you can. Freeplay allows you to replay any Arcade wave again, so if you have a favorite wave like say the one with the Konami code in it, you can go back and play it again with less lives and on a harder difficulty.

Although the game is fun, its repetitiousness causes players to wonder when something new will pop out at you. Retina display support is also absent from the game, and the game looks dated compared to other games released in the same game window, although I’m sure this is something we will see in one of the future updates that’s promised by its developers. The background music is almost not noticeable, and you’ll most likely be playing this game with your own tunes playing. In the same field, the main character only has a few lines, and it would’ve made the game more enjoyable if I was able to hear more funny, tongue-in-cheek comments from her.

The game includes Facebook integration, and in-game achievements, although no Game Center support. For what the game delivers, it’s well worth the $1.99 asking price. Texting of the Bread is a perfect mix of simple gameplay and mechanics that I already know how to interact with and the perfect game to play on a long train or plane ride, or something to give to the young kid to keep them quiet. As of the time of this writing, the game holds a 4 1/2 rating on the App Store from 128 ratings. This type of game is new to the iOS, although not new to the video game world, but it does leave you thinking about what else Screw Attack can dream up. With a few improvements, and additional features, this game could become an App Store classic like Angry Birds or Doodle Jump. Among thousands of games, this one really shines. Texting of the Bread is a huge shiny needle in an even bigger haystack that we call the App Store, and that’s all that needs to be said.

  • Title: Texting of the Bread
  • Platform Reviewed: iPhone
  • Developer: ScrewAttack Enterainement LLC
  • Publisher: ScrewAttack Enterainement LLC
  • Release Date: September 27, 2010
  • MSRP: $1.99
  • Review Copy Info: This game was purchased by DualShockers Inc. for the purposes of this review.
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Chris Guzman

An avid gamer since birth, I consider myself a new-age gamer. My first system was the N64, but the first system I really cared about was my Xbox Original. I'm a computer science major in college, and spend all my money on games, and stuff I don't need. I've never played Zelda or many Mario games in my youth. I'm also a huge sports fan, and a chick flick lover. My favorite games include Gears of War, Halo, Fallout, GTA, Mass Effect, and Metal Gear Solid.

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