Spike VGA: Halo: Reach Finally Shown... Isn't THAT Great

Halo fans everywhere closely sat in front of their televisions with a bottle of motorizing lotion sitting at their side, a sock on one hand, and their penises in the other as they idly waited for the first ever footage for Bungie’s newly upcoming installment in the Halo series, Halo: Reach, to be shown at the Spike Video Game Awards today.

Let’s be honest for a second here, folks. It wasn’t what most of us expected; I say most because regardless of how logically conclusive and accurate our depictions are, we will always face the always-at-the-ready army of fanboys. Rather than showing us some gameplay footage (i.e. the class-based action that’s being promoted), it focused on a more narrative composition which introduces us to the team of Halo: Reach and, for the first time ever, gives us a look at the unmasked glorified Spartans, which do look rather intimidating… even the chick.

The video showed off a couple of UNSC Spartans talking about the Spartans of all Spartans, Master Chief’s, status. You slightly take glimpses of each Spartan solider readying for some serious ass kicking when the lead Spartan in the video preps the new recruit before taking off in a Pelican.

At the end of the trailer, you will notice a glimmering sword in the hand of a shadowy Elite, followed by his atrocious face screaming into the camera for whatever reason.

The game looks like all Halo games – like Halo, if that means anything. I wasn’t really thrown back by the visuals nor with the narrative video that was shown at the VGAs. Spartans are kickass mofos; However, I think it’s the constant regurgitation of the series that has left a bland taste in my mouth. Aside from the new arsenal of weapons that are supposed to be introduced with the new Spartan squad, there’s nothing that I see which lures me into this game. Of course, things might change when I get to see a bit more of it in the coming months, but as it stands, the trailer, along with the last Halo game to hit store shelves, ODST, was underwhelming. I was expecting a much richer visible change along with some inspiring footage. Instead, though, I felt like a homeless person being fed bread and water in a restaurant that has been serving steak. It wasn’t my favorite bit of the night, that’s for sure.

We will definitely be keeping the masses up to date with anything and everything Reach related. So stay tuned.

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Yaris Gutierrez

Born and raised in New York City, Yaris is one of three co-founders at DualShockers. Gaming since the inception of Nintendo in the 80's, he has grown to avidly appreciate games of every genre, maturing his preference specifically now to third-person action games, first-person shooters and JRPGs. He's a software engineer, father and husband during the day, and mildly attempts to hold onto his "hardcore gamer" title during the evenings. An attempt that he tends to fail miserably at.

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