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The Vent: Black Friday's Aftermath

December 1, 2009

Finally I have a day to myself after working my ass off from Thanksgiving. All this time I thought my job was my home. It’s a scary thought after you have been there for quite some time. Your brain just turns on you, and there is no stopping it. How did all of you guys enjoy Black Friday? Wait, strike that, I do not give a crap, unless yours was as miserable as mine. I’ll tell you a story about how mine went, from a retailer’s point of view.

I work at Best Buy. Already you can imagine how that day was like for me. First thing in accordance to that day was that I was first scheduled to do the morning shift, from 3 in the morning till three in the afternoon. I thought that was great, being that I would be in control of my favorite department, the gaming department. I guess I was a little too happy, and Lady Luck saw what kind of mood I was in so she tilted my head up, pulled down her pants, and crapped down my throat. I find out closer to Black Friday that the management switched my schedule from the morning shift to a closing shift, from 2 in the afternoon till 12 in the morning the next day. I guess the reason behind that was because I overheard them talking about how good of a closer I am, and they did not want to stay in the store too late, so if I closed, then we would all have left early. This proves my theory that all the managers in Best Buy talks through their asses. That’s why they always smell funny and their ideas are always fishy.

You would think that their would be some order in the store that Friday. There would be a few sections blocked off, and only employees should be in there, retrieving games that the customers want. That seems more like on orderly thing to do, but again, these managers do not know jack squat. I come in at 2, and right away I thought I should just turn around and walk back out, and leave my employees to suffer. My video game section, which I nurtured and raised for a year and a half now, was raped before my eyes, as I saw games, accessories, even systems all over the floor. To explain it in simplified terms, it looked like someone took a dump on the floor, then another person saw what that person did, thought that was a good idea, and took a dump on top of the other dump. I walked over to ground zero, fell to my knees, looked up to the white ceiling heavens, as I pledged that cleaning all of this mess comes first than helping those retards, who were the cause of all of this in the first place.

So I began, as I put games back in line and systems back where they belong, turning my beloved area back to the way it was before all of this happened. Yes of course I realized fate was against making my area cleaned, as the customers came rolling to me like a freight train, filled with deliciously interesting questions, such as “Is the XBOX 360 and PS3 compatible with each other”, and my all time favorite “Is this the gaming section?”. I thought my fist was not going to stop as it was flying towards their faces, but I somehow managed to hold it all in.

Three hours into my shift passed by as I just finished cleaning the XBOX section, when I realized there was still four more sections to clean. I decided to take a break and have a little fun with the customers, to make them want to shop on Black Friday again. Retail employees, you all should take note of this if you ever wanted to to have some fun on a busy day. I walk down an aisle, not looking at anyone but just on one focused point. Of course when someone sees you in a blue shirt they go berserk and rush over to you for your help. So they say things like ” excuse me sir” or “hello”, even “yo” for the wannabe cool people. I tested their ‘stupidity endurance’, as I kept walking down the aisle, not batting an eye, as people are trying to get my attention. But if anyone has not noticed, if a customer needs help, and the employee walks away, what happens? It becomes a Peter The Piper technique, where many followers  meander along his backside. So I keep walking from aisle to aisle, wondering how long these customers are going to persist to follow me, instead of just looking for other employees for assistance. I thought they would be smart, but as I turned around after three minutes, they weren’t. I gathered seven customers as they complained how it took me awhile to receive their attention. I thought that was amusing so I did this test periodically throughout the rest of the day. It’s always amusing to see how far will a customer go just to get your attention.

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Finally the store is closed, and I feel as though everything I did to help clean before the closing was not effective, as it looked like I did nothing at all. The managers wanted the employees to stay in the store until their departments are fully cleaned, so I knew I was going to be there for quite some time. I wasn’t angry for some reason; I accepted defeat. Long story short, I left the store 4 in the morning, which makes my day a 14 hour shift. Oh yes for a big guy like me I am sure my legs could have handled such weight for a long period of time. At least I got a workout. After leaving the store I felt a sense of accomplishment mixed with a sense of self loathing, as I felt I was the customer’s bitch. I keep telling myself this will be the last Black Friday I will work as a retail employee, but again, I am not too sure where I will be next year.

The Vent is closed for now. If anyone wished to express how their Black Friday went, pour it all out, and I will grieve with you.

P.S. I was lucky enough to find a picture of what my actual store was like two years ago, trying to hold off a horde of customers into the store. Luckily a customer was punched in the face. Good times.

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