YEP, your favorite smarmy column about the games we’re not playing is back, and with 50% more smarm!
For us ‘Murrcans, this past Thursday was Thanksgiving, aka “eat an entire third world country’s yearly crop in 4 hours” Day; with such an ambitious endeavor came a entire day and a half of prep and cooking. Unfortunately, thanks to such a delectable feast, I don’t think I’ll be able to play Cooking Mama 4 anytime soon.
I know I know, a bunch of you are wondering, “why the hell would I want to play Cooking Mama 4 anyway?” Hey, what can I say, it’s a guilty pleasure of mine, and it’s not like the series is completely lacking in redeeming qualities. I got to see some of it at E3 and it looked immensely fun and deeper than any Cooking Mama before it. It’s certainly not a game I’d purchase, especially with the gaming hell that is the fall/winter season, but it’s worth a shot nonetheless.
That said, there’s no possible way I could go from an epic smorgasbord lovingly crafted by my own mother to a simple, harmless cooking game. For one, it’s entirely unrealistic; last I checked, you don’t use a telescoping stylus to deep fry corndogs. Maybe in Africa they do, but this is America, and that’s just not how we do things.
Most importantly, I could perfect all the recipes in the Cooking Mama cookbook and 100% the game like a boss, but none of the fake food I make will be nearly as amazing as what my mom concocted on Thursday. Usually fictional portrayals of real life objects are exponentially more appealing and easier on the eyes, but not in the case of Thanksgiving dinner. Come on; how can anything in the game possibly compare to this?
I can’t blame Majesco for making their food so not-delicious-looking though; I’m sure they’d have some considerable legal problems on their hands if some portly, spoiled child couldn’t discern fiction from reality and ended up with a 3DS in his gullet. Hell, I’m a fatty at heart, and if I spotted a gorgeous piece of fake bacon jumping at me off the screen, I might just be tempted to jump and chomp at it like Shamu.
Either way, thanks to, uh, Thanksgiving, Cooking Mama 4 will have to wait til I’m ready to accept the mediocrity of its food into my mind’s belly. Although, I only have about ten bucks to last me through the end of the week, so after the fourth Jack in the Box taco lunch in as many days, I might be swayed back into fake-Mama’s fake-loving fake-arms sooner rather than later.
What are the other weekenders not playing this week?
Scott Snow: Not playing Assassins Creed or Saints Row. No cash, no time and Skyrim.
Justin Hutchison: Shin Megami Tensei IV/Strange Journey because I’m busy spending my time poking my anime girlfriend’s head with a DS stylus in Love Plus. And Skyrim.